This will be the first time I've left my husband John since he had his stroke in September 2001. So far I haven't even been able to go out for the evening with my friends! Its not that john doesn't want me to go - its me! I have found letting go a lot harder than caring, does that sound strange? I can even get as far as actually starting to go out and then the dreaded guilt sets in.
But this time it is going to be different! We both need a break from each other and WE ARE GOING TO DO IT! Johns Mum, Sadie, is helping to care for him along with my Mum, Doris and brother, Jeff who are also looking after our two daughters, Ellie (7) and Jaclyn (4). Everything is sorted - Johns care, the children, even my hotel and train tickets. SO WHY DON'T I FEEL ANY BETTER? I'm telling myself that I will when I'm actually there. Don't get me wrong, I'm really looking forward to meeting Brian and the team at Strokewatch and I'm sure that Ill be kept busy, but the worry is still there in the back of my mind.
I think the one thing that I've learned during the past 15 months is - whatever else happens now in my life I am a wife and carer first and foremost. Both our lives have been changed by Johns stroke but not all for the worse. We have certainly been brought closer together and now appreciate each other more than before. As my Mum says - there's nothing like illness to help you sort out your priorities in life! I am Johns priority and he is mine!
Well, wish me luck! I will let you know how my trip goes in the next newsletter.
Alison Hunter
Cumbria